When is a home full?

Our week was wonderful. Normal and wonderful and somehow ended up surpising me completely. There were friends, Christmas lights, hot apple cider, pony rides, hugs, laughs, presents, home-made fudge, cookies and so much more. Caroling along the streets with a horse-drawn carriage, freezing in the rain at the Lights (lines) of Christmas, a gift exchange with no less than 15 kids at my sweet friend {newly family!} Corrie's. We've become family now that she is adopting Annah and Viktoriya's youngest brother Ven. Lidiya, Andrey and Ruvim were there as well.

Dampening the joy was the revelation that Lidiya's family does not plan on allowing her to stay in contact with her biological siblings. They actually went as far as to say that Lidiya should forget "her old family". Thankfully this is not how Lidiya rolls and hopefully she'll be able to stand up to them and stay in contact with her sisters. She stayed the weekend with us and she fit in well with our family. All five girls had a sweet sleepover in A & V's room...

{These walls may hold another sweet russian girls name but the closet won't hold her belongings, crowded as it is, so I think it's possible to make our bonus room/family room into the boys room and then move A & V into the boys bigger room so Lydia would fit; I would turn H&H's room back into an office....the current family room houses the tv etc. so I would put the pc into the new office making room to move the tv upstairs into the great room along with another chair and couch }

Annah told me Saturday night as she went to bed "Mom, I've been thinking, but we can talk about it tomorrow." :o) We talked about it the next day (yesterday) and she asked if we prayed about it, might we fit a bunkbed in her room and allow Lidiya to become part of our family too. I had already begun praying that His will would be done. I thought our home was FULL. As in even after Hope and Halle. Then after Annah. Then after Viktoriya.

As I was praying that morning (Monday), I felt the need to bring Lidiya down to Seattle to meet up with her family. {This made for a wonderful opportunity to spend time with Nana, Joyce and Sharon!} Their social worker came too and we chatted for a bit. After Lidiya and her family left, the SW and I discussed the fact that the state has no say or opinion on family size once you are not a foster parent any longer. Meaning that while we are foster parents we are limited to 6 kids and NO more. Unless God says different and changes peoples minds. ;) BUT, once you've adopted children (ie: Viktoriya and Annah which should be finalized by February or March) you can adopt as many as you want. This was news to me.

So from the Northgate mall, I called my sweet husband. Laughing as I tried to think of a way to ask him if he might consider yet another teenage girl to join our family. Thinking I may shock him, Chad turned the tables and shocked me... "Of course. I thought all along they should've stayed together." What a man. The world needs more men like him. I'm hoping that's what we're raising in Aidan, Ethan and Ryland.

And speaking of these three...we have three votes for Lidiya to join us as well. Now it's completely up to the Lord. But even if He doesn't have for Lidiya to join our family, I have a feeling our home isn't full for good. It begs the question...

When is a home full? When is our home full? Is 2550 sq ft too small for 8 {or more} children? I'm thinking not. I love our home so I have some ideas. One version involves finishing our basement which would add another 750 sq ft but another version does not. I think the second version (described above in turquise :o)) would work since we'll need to wait another year or so to get the work done. And I'm beginning to think the Lord can make anything work in us if it is His will. Am I a slow learner or what?

Adoption Update

Adoption #2 {or is that #3 & 4?} is going well. The girls are both legally free as of Friday. We waited a month since the judge ruled Dad's rights terminated for him to have a chance to appeal and he did not. So we mailed in the rest of our paperwork for our adoption update to be done. They'll be out to our home yet again and then it will be the waiting game if we have to have background checks and fingerprints done again.

I think Annah and Viktoriya {as well as the rest of us} will benefit from the finality of an adoption. They know they aren't going anywhere but they are so thrilled to have our last name and make it final. They are such sweet girls and I'm so happy that God has knitted our family together in this way. I would've never imagined it and someday's I do still wonder what He was thinking!

Somedays I think they would be better off with a family with less children. And when I have to miss one of the boy's soccer games to go to a sibling visit with the girls I wonder if the boys are suffering. In fact last night I poured my heart out to the Lord asking Him if He was sure. {I'm laughing under my breath right now, so as to not awake 2 little girls}. He made it clear with the way He brought Annah here. We could never do to her what her previous {Christian} foster family did to her. And then with Viktoriya, having Nana and Sharon both support us in such a real way when they had previously encouraged us to not take on any more children! And that was while we still had Teighly!

So in my physical body, when the wears and tears of this world feel heavy, and when I see A & V's brothers still in need of a home, I am discouraged. I think there is no way a good nuturing Christian home will be found for every child and every child deserves one! And I kneel by my bed crying and wondering why God allows our world to be like this.

It is then, and always then, when I'm at my lowest that He meets me, covers me with His presence and His peace. He gently reminds me I am only called to be faithful to what He has given me today. I woke with a new excitement and energy to parent the ones He has given me. They are the ones I can pour myself into; I cannot burden myself with every child I see or know of. I have to focus on those He has entrusted to my care. And I must take the time to be filled up each and every day.

While I cannot be consumed by the needs of everyone I can still be on my knees for them. Please...pray for these two sweet boys who deserve parents, and a loving forever home.

September 20th...Annah's Gotcha Day

beautiful, complicated, sweet, emotional, happy, sick day. :o) It was full of more ups and downs than the fair {which I just realized I never posted pics of}! All in all a day we'll remember forever! 1 year of Annah. Many, many, many more to come!

Dear Annah, we are in awe of your go-get-em attitude. You just never give up and this will take you far in life. Hopefully not far from us! You are so full of life and spirit; thankfully God's Holy Spirit! You love the Lord and it is a beautiful thing to see. We know God brought you to us and pray He will continue to allow us to guide and direct your last days of childhood. You know there is no perfect family and yet you love ours like we are. You are so happy here and we praise God that you fit in our family so perfectly. We look forward to your adoption in December or January when you'll share our last name and you'll be in our family forever.

We love you Annah!

Mom & Dad

two to school

These two sweethearts are going into 9th and 10th grade respectively. I can honestly say I am going to miss having them around all day! Yesterday, Aidan said, "You know what Viktoriya, as soon as you're all adopted, you're going to be homeschooled." And to my surprise she replied, "Sounds good to me!" :o) I actually went away last weekend to a scrapbooking retreat, and I spent a good deal of time praying about our family and our schedule. I decided what didn't fit into our schedule and what did. What our homeschool routine should be, etc. It was a sweet time. It was also a wonderful time of ministry. Surprised? I am too. Everytime I go to a scrapbooking retreat and our photos are viewed, I tell our story, a story of a beautifully blended family, orchestrated by our One, True, Living God. And it ministers to many hearts. I hear so many stories of other who want to adopt or foster or both. So many stories I treasure in my heart.
Okay back to the point of this post, Annah and Viktoriya are off to high school. Wow!!! I have two highschoolers....unbelieveable.

At the court date last week a decision was not made but it will be handed down on September 21st and we are told that they are 75% sure that the girls will be legally free on that day. So adoptions may not be too far off. Most likely they will be bearing our last name (in addition to their original last name) by Christmas. So we will have adopted 4 girls in 2009. Wow, what a year. :o)

This was my two girls saying they're sad to be leavin' Mama for 7.5 hours a day!

PS: I am back in action with my Canon Rebel. I had bought the Costco deal with two lenses, but then we decided that was too expensive and I had to return it. Then my wonderful husband received a bonus this year {Great job Chad!!!} and he blessed me with an amazing birthday present a couple days early so I can take it on our camping trip this coming weekend! Thank-you honey!

thankful {thursday}

I am thankful everyday but I like the habit of weekly writing out what I am thankful for that week

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pitter patter of the twins sweet little feet & the way they hold hands

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the quack and chirp i hear as i feed our chickens, geese and ducks

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the giggles of joy from my twin daugthers as they hold on tight to the bottles as the goats gobble them up {the bottles not the girls ;o)}

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3 boys who realized they were being obnoxious to their teenage sister and decided to make it "The best big sister in the world day" making Annah feel special with home-made cards, gift, signs and treats

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The look on Annah's face as she read the card aloud; the way she doesn't let falling over a hurdle make her give up; she just tries harder

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A husband who makes the best french toast in the world

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A friend who threw such an awesome party for our adoption celebration

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Many sweet friends who drove far and brought such nice presents and lots of love for the twins and all of us

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the opportunity to share about fostering/adoption with so many people recently and the way it never grows old telling of the way the Lord blesses us with Hope and Halle

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our new little church's 1st birthday

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the way the trees' leaves light up when the sunrise is behind them

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our suburban is almost sold

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friends who hold me accountable and are honest with me

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coffee ;o)

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the way hope holds onto my arm letting me know when I'm not allowed to put her down

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boys who love to learn, the priviledge, ability & honor to homeschool

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our over-capacity was approved and Viktoriya will come mid-June

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friends who are willing to take in 3 siblings who need a loving home
{praying their over-capacity is approved}

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the awe in my heart today, for how He meets all my needs

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a special woman who is like a mom to me, her sister who is like an aunt and their mom who like a grandma, their generosity, giving nature and consistency that is God's loving gift to our family

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Attatchment, Adoption and Fostering

I've been thinking about attachment lately. How very very attached my little girls (and my big girl) are to me, and the rest of the family. My heart is so full and contented to have the large family I've always hoped for. In Aidan's words spoken this morning, "I love our family so much I can't even say how much! My heart is going to explode!!!" :o) Why is Aidan so happy? Is it because he's home schooled and he gets to spend the morning exploring his nature wonderland of a yard, nurturing his toddler sisters, learning out in the sunshine, free...? Or is because he's attached to us...all 7 of us?

Thinking about attachment, time, it seems, is what it comes down to really. Spending as much time as possible together. But as I pondered that, I realized it's not entirely true. If I am spending 12 hours a day tomato staking my children, but if I'm walking in my flesh, and not in the spirit, will we be close, loving, attached?

I love that what I read at Nations Around Our Table today. Just after thinking so much about this subject as I tried to fall asleep last night! It's neat how God brings things together when you're dwelling on Him. He desires to give wisdom to those who seek it. {James 1:5} I agree with Shonni's thoughts on focusing our attention on being attached to God and our attachments with our children will be strong and healthy. Isn't it true that when we're walking in the Spirit we've made sure we're focused on things that have eternal value {our children!} and we're going to have love, patience, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, peace, kindness and self-control flowing from us? As Shonni shared, in John 15 we see that we must be truly attached to Him the vine to bear fruit! As we abide in Him, He abides in us. How true is that!?! I do not know why some days I choose to walk alone; those days are not fruitful.

I was talking to two of the boys in the van last night about why more people don't foster/adopt. They truly don't understand it. Why do we receive so many emails everyday, repeated emails, asking for homes for so many children. I know that one reason is the business we are accustomed to. There just isn't enough time. Time for the trainings required. Time for each child, etc. This is not to evoke guilt! Truly, I know a family must be called to do this. I am not praising our family either, we are one with many shortcomings and are so very far from perfect. In fact I wonder why God is allowing us this ministry some days. But what I am saying is this...it is hard.

I told the boys I believe it is because it is hard to have a child come into your family and learn how to get along and do things differently than they're used to, to communicate, to disagree respectfully. Just last night I didn't communicate respectfully to Chad and I had to ask his forgiveness and ask Annah to forgive me for making her uncomfortable. But that is what it is! A family, full of sinners, learning how to love unconditionally. So seek to forgive and to seek forgiveness.

People often ask how we do it. How can you love a child and then let go. "I just could never do that." I would say that too! But it's Him working in me, His spirit in me that allows me to whole-heartedly love a child and later have to let go. Of course it's hard. It's downright painful actually. Physically painful! I cannot imagine how my faith might have been tested had He called us to love Hope and Halle and then let go. I know that letting go of Teighly taught me to persevere, to hope in Him. To trust. And yet isn't it the difficult in life that affords us character? {James 1:2-4} Perseverance leads to hope! {Romans 5:3-5} I cling to that! He is refining us...

Another conversation of note was one with Annah, also yesterday, where she was asking me why we decided not to have any more biological children. She said it would be so exciting to get to go through the process with me, how she'd love to watch my tummy grow, help with the birth and learn how to care for a newborn. I told her how hard it was to be so very sick and how my contractions came earlier and stronger with each birth. But "I would help, take care of you, the boys and even the house! And don't you trust God would take care of the baby till it's born?" Yes, we would trust God with each pregnancy and birth, and yes, each would be an amazing gift from Him.

But, and this trumps ALL, we are called to adopt. God has put it on both Chad heart and my heart, from a very young age {18!} to adopt. I am thankful I experienced pregnancy, nursing and birth...such joy! But the joy of bringing a child into your home, realizing you love them just as much as those born of your body, someone who needs you to protect them and help their lives to be different than they would've been, is a joy just as great!!!

And so I continue to seek attachment. I seek to help our children learn to love and and forgive and seek to know each other and most importantly to know Jesus. The one who allows us to be truly attached.

Just a quick update....

On Monday April 6th, Hope & Halle's adoption was FINALIZED!!! Praise God!!!

It was a really neat experience. We had a great lawyer, really cool judge, and so much support from family\friends.

Pics to come :)

Here are the pictures as promised...

Adoption update

I'm doing a terrible job of keeping this blog going while Becca takes a break...

Well, the adoption will be FINAL next Monday. Less than a week away!! We will take pics of course :)

We'll have friends\family join us and all the kids will be there. We'll sign the papers, have names officially changed over, and then breath a big sigh of relief. We are sooo thankful for these sweet little blessings in our lives!

The girls are growing so fast too. Talking and running around. Being silly. The other day I came in the house after getting home from work and I had Hope sprint to me yelling "DADDEEEEEEE!!!" and running right into my arms as I bent down to hug her. Then right behind her was Halle "DADAAAAAAAA", running and squealing with glee. The Ryalnd, Ethan, and Aidan - all calling out to me and piling up for a big welcome home hug! Usually I get one or 2 at time, but it was great to have them all at once :)

Adoption update

Oh my, how Hope and Halle have grown!!!

We're still waiting on the technicality of fingerprints (mine) of all things, to finalize the adoption.

Hopefully in 2 months they'll finally share our last name, they already share our home (for nearly 20 months!) and our hearts. :o)

2 to school...

for K and 1st grade. I am surprisingly peaceful about our decision to have Ry and Ethan go to school this year. We bathed the decision in prayer and had to admit I am not super mom. Chad and I feel strongly about keeping Annah and doing our best with T-Bella for however much longer she might be with us; so with 7 children I knew something needed to change. Between multiple counseling appts (3 per week), twins PIC appts, adoption appts and paperwork, social worker appts (3x/month) etc etc. For this season at least, I believe Ethan and Ryland will enjoy some time away from home and each other! I know this goes against much of what I believe (having all our children home, working together and tomato staking etc) yet I know this is what we need to do for right now. The twins are much more of a handful (delightfully so!) now that they are toddlers and I don't want to miss the joy for the business. We will continue to do SO much learning together however and since our lifestyle is one of constant learning and interaction; it will be good.

"Ry and Mom when Ry grows older and taller than her." ;o)

great news

We're working hard to have the twins' adoption finalized by November 14th!!! The push is for us to participate in National Adoption Day and I'm just thrilled. What an amazing gift it will be to finally let our breath out before the holidays. Thankfullness will be bursting at the seams in our house this year!!! We appreciate your prayers. :o)

Halle Faith ~ 12 months

Okay, so there is another super sweet girl and we have her too! Halle has really begun to show her personality and it is so much fun! She is a goofy girl who absolutely loves to explore. She gets into any and everything but particularly likes to take things off/out and put them back in/on the spot she found them. She took all the dvds off the stand the other day and surprised me when she got them all back up there, stacked and shoved until they was not one on the floor. Smart girl! Maybe she'll be my organizing buddy! Halle could totally walk if she wanted to but she's not ready. She'll stand but then realize it a second later and laugh and squat, stand and squat and LAUGH and then repeat. :o)

Halle at 12 months

~Took her first steps! Still prefers to cruise.

~Eats just about anything and everything!

~21lbs 12 oz (55%) & 29 inches (50%)

~Wearing size 3 shoes, and not wide surprisingly

~Wears 12-18 and some 18-24 ~6 teeth

~Sleeps 12 hrs straight each night and takes 2, 2 hour naps as well.

~Busy, busy, busy bee loves to take everything out of it's rightful spot~then returns it!

~Absolutely adores being outside. It doesn't matter how long, she is happy.

I was putting her bracelet on her when it came in the mail on her actual birthday and I took a deep breath just longing for the day when she is truly OURS. She feels like ours; I know she was our gift from God since the day I brought her home from the hospital. Yet all the appts and social workers and red tape, saying one name, yet thinking another. I mean it is time for the the twins to be completely entirely ours.

Fostering is a long, hard, wonderful, rewarding road, but I am so very very ready to not have them be foster children anymore, but our daughters. For real. For good. Forever. Ours. My heart actually started skipping a bit, not the good skip, the kind where you know you are being anxious.

It was then that I realized, or was reminded by the Holy Spirit, that none of my children are mine, ALL mine, forever. Like Aidan, Ethan and Ryland, Hope and Halle are our gifts from Him, our's for a season, a time for us to pour into them the love and instructions of the Lord and do our very best to point their lives in the direction of their God. Are any of our children, adopted or biological, completely entirely ours?

No. They are HIS, they are His now, and once the adoption is finalized, they will still be His, and once they've left our home, they will remain His. Forever. I am only responsible to honor my commitment to train them and love them and be thankful for each day as it comes. Just for today. And then peace returned to my heart and soul.

A few more January pictures...

Aidan and Ryland's family birthday party!

Grandma Sharon and T~Bella share a giggle...
I can't believe my baby is 5 years old!
We were so glad Ed and Jan could come.

Grandpa Rick and team up for a game of "Apples".

Our 8 month old JOYS!!!

(everything is still going well/as expected for the adoption

which will still probably not be until March or April)

FUN in the SNOW! Good memories...

T~Bella didn't stop giggling, even after she

was frozen and soaking wet!
No! I have the camera!
Had to get him back for that!
Chad prepares to attack a certain 4 year old and the 4 year old retaliates!