Singing the praise of 'Tomato Staking'

Sorry to not be regularly updating. But I have some cute pics to share and some exciting happenings around here. My good friend Jolene and I were talking at church on Sunday about the rampant disobedience of kids lately and how many parents are helpless to stop it. And even more important than the disobedience is the way we're not reaching their hearts. And while I know I am reaching my boys hearts, I am not seeing the obedience and kindness in them that I would love to see. I've posted several times about how Chad and I have been really praying about a new vision and methods of parenting. We kept coming back to routine and just really "being" with our children. Light bulb moment... Of course!

Well business, sickness and an extra child in our home with many behavioral issues, kept us from addressing some serious problems we've been seeing in a couple of our boys. These are normal things that all children do, I've been told. "And they're still so much better than most." I'm also told often. That's just not good enough. For awhile I really felt resigned to be less than happy with my kids. I mean I enjoy them yes, but much of the time I'm breaking up fights. It's really hard for me to know what to let slide, but when I see too much that needs to be let slide it's time for some action.

I desire above all to see godly behavior, kindness, respect and love shown toward one another! We memorize the Bible verses and talk often about how we show that we are Christians and we show that we love God, by the love we show to each other. Yet when one boy takes the toy of another, the horns come out and far too often, so have the fists! I know it's possible for them to use their words and control their bodies but they just don't! Obviously I'm not talking all the time but fighting several times a day is just too much in my opinion.

All of this to say that I began "tomato staking" today and it's amazing! I know it will be work and take a lot of perseverance. I know we will have good and bad days, and perhaps today was just a good day for Ethan but I saw the sparkle in his eyes responding to my constant attention, encouragement and interaction. He hardly had a chance to have poor behavior and a poor attitude, and you know what? I'm okay with that! Here is an excerpt from http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/tomatostaking.htm

Every gardener knows what I mean by "tomato staking". A tomato plant grows fast,big, and wild. If left untended, it soon sprawls out into an unwieldy heap. As the fruit grows, it weighs the plant down to the ground. Propping by this time is too late. Any attempt to retrain and redirect the growth of the branches will result in breakage and substantial loss of the fruit due to rot, disease, and pests. On the other hand, a tomato plant which has been properly cared for, will produce an abundance of excellent fruit. From the beginning it must be watered, cultivated, pruned, fertilized, examined for pests, and staked up. The branches will grow the way they were propped and trained, and when the fruit is large and ripe the branches will have the strength to hold those beautiful tomatoes up off the wet ground. What a delight!Think of your child as a tomato plant. Most parents provide too little staking for their growing young tomatoes. They care for them intimately when they are babies, but soon afterwards, begin letting them grow their own way. They feel uncomfortable assuming authority over their children and resort to the “Putting Out Fires” method of parenting. They try desperately to overlook misbehavior and avoid conflicts, unless forced into it by the magnitude of the offense or by their own anger. Serious character flaws and bad behavioral habits, once established, are very hard to change, just like the neglected branches of a tomato plant. Catching problems now and then won’t begin to make a dent in the problem. And just like the sprawling, unattended, unstaked tomato plant, there comes a point when it's simply too late. Your child’s heart will become firmly fixed in the position it has been growing for all the many hours in between your sporadic corrections and over the years when you’ve allowed outside influences and peer pressure to do your staking job for you.

Many well intentioned parents rise up in the morning, feed and clothe their young children, then send them off to play while they try to get all their household chores done single-handedly. Before long they become aware of arguing, bickering, shoving and pushing emanating from the play site. Crying and tattling follow close behind. Frustrated with the interruption, the parents scold and discipline, then send them off again hoping they will be able to finish their chores this time, but the cycle just begins all over. Eventually, some of these parents decide to try Tomato Staking –living with their children rather then coexisting separately. When they do, some of their first questions are: "What do I do with my children all day?", and “How will I get my housework done?” They've accepted the fact that their children need to be close to them, but they don’t have the time to play with them all day and don't know any alternate course. Rather than follow my children around all day amusing them or doing what they want to do, I include them -- even the toddlers -- as much as is possible, in whatever I am doing. After all, the ultimate purpose of Tomato Staking is to teach my children to live and think as I do, and eventually grow to be godly adults. I think that’s a lot better accomplished by having them follow me around, than having me follow them around.

If that sounds interesting to you, you can check out the link above. I know it's not for everyone, obviously impossible for some families, and if you told me about this 2 years ago I would've laughed out loud! (Maybe you are right now and that's okay! :o)) Before, when Chad came home after a full day with my 3 boys I needed to go somewhere. I had to have a break and it hardly came soon enough. But now, I'd rather be with my family than doing anything else because they're much more enjoyable now. I know the girls are easier now, at nearly 6 months, than they will be when they're crawling in two different directions, but I know something now that I did not 3 years ago... It goes by fast! And I'm not going to miss a moment of it saying "I'm so tired" or "I need ME time". I know we need time to ourselves and I have that at night and early in the morning (I've been truly blessed by kids who sleep till at least 7:30 every day). But I just feel differently now.

Anyway, I've read most of the pages on the Raising Godly Tomatoes site and I'm excited about implementing it in our home! I've begun with my son Ethan, because he is the one that needs it the most. It took lots of perseverance but by 3pm he was asking me "Momma what chore are we going to do next?" And "I just LOVE helping you!" All three boys were kept within earshot on the same level of the house as me. We accomplished a ton today and we did absolutely everything together and the boys learned so much. I really am not bragging but I am a listkeeper and it does help me to see all that I can get done when I stay on task and I am shocked that we got so much done together. Obviously it would be much tougher with a 1,3 and 4 year old than with my 7, 6, 4 yo and 6 month olds, but I'm still certain, as long as my attitude is right I could've done it.

(Also, I didn't realize I'd never taught any of them to scrub a toilet! They were surprised to see how often they'd missed 'the mark'. lol)

Here is most of what we accomplished:
~Changed bedding (x6)
~Planned the weekly menu
~Swept the hardwoods
~Vacuumed 3 rooms
~Dusted 3 rooms
~Scrubbed 2 bathrooms
~Put ribs in the crock-pot
~Dishes, dishes, dishes
~LOTS of laundry, sorted, started, changed-over, folded and put away. (6 loads and counting)
~Babies fed, changed, sang to and played with
~Chocolate chip zucchini bread (all learned measuring and really 'got it' this time
~Made Veterans day cards for Ed and Papa Rick
~Fed, watered the chickens and ducks; gathered eggs

Hope is teething so I had her on my front much of the time too. And guess what Ethan told his Daddy right when he walked through the door... "Daddy I had super super fun today doing chores with Momma. I was with her all day! We made the house super clean!"

One other thing we've also implemented in the last week is the meal time candle. We light the candle once we've all sat down and no one can leave until Daddy or Momma says one of the boys can blow it out. We do our high/low of the day too and meal times have gotten to be enjoyable finally after months of really struggling with up and downs and begging to leave before everyone was done. Now it's just part of our routine. Then today at lunch Aidan asked if we could do the candle for lunches too. He also said he was sad to be going to school tomorrow. We did lots of learning today; book learning and life learning. More than any classroom could teach! And I LOVE being my children's teacher. But that's a whole different post I'll save for later. ;o)

Okay, now just a few pictures taken in the last few days. Adorable cuteness overload below, be warned!!! ;o)

In this one Ry had been reading his favorite Little Critter book to Hope and Halle; he didn't appreciate the extra company.