confusion, trust, hope

My heart is aching and nothing can be "done" to fix it. I can only trust Him in this time of pain. He is the only one who knows. Aidan and I have spent time together just letting it out. Not talking or trying to reason, just in pain together.

I thought Ryland would be the worst off, but after the traumatic morning where all four of us cried and prayed for over an hour, Ry began to speak of her normally, as a friend in another state with whom he vows to remain close to. Ethan found his own version of scrabooking to be cathartic. But Aidan and I just hurt.

When she called Saturday evening we talked for quite awhile. She asked how much Chad missed her. "A LOT!" I said. Then she wanted to speak to Aidan. She sounds okay. Aidan tried to sound okay. I'm so glad to have this small friend. It's almost like we both felt a little better because we hurting together. Almost.

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend indeed." Henri Nauwen

*Edited to add...I know there are many others, hurting and missing her too. Graci has cried herself to sleep too, I know. Poor sweetie, lost her best friend. I'm praying for those of you and I ask for your prayers too.

There is one thing that does help, besides prayer. No, two. One is that I must admit things are quieter. There is less fighting, less drama and more time for each child. That just is what is and I cannot deny it. There is also less smiles, less giggles, less cuddles, less joy. Oh wait I was trying to make myself feel better! Yes, we will be staying at 6 children as long as God has Annah in our home. And number two is...

Planning a ROAD TRIP! We're hoping to take an early summer road trip with all 6 kids. Yes, you already know we're crazy! ;o)

We'll head from here to Arizona to see my sister Sarah, brother-in-law Bernie, and niece Jalyn, Reece's mom Cora, and maybe Teresa herself! Then we'll continue on to Texas and see Micki, Jesse, Blade, Sabre and Chad's mom Joanna! They've only met Aidan! Then we'll head up through New Mexico, Colorado and Utah then Nevada! Stopping in a city we would never usually visit~Las Vegas to see how our sweet T-Bella is doing! Well maybe Nevada should come first then head straight north. Who knows~the best part is planning the trip! It will be an excellent homeschooling adventure.

Talk about FUN! Praying gas stays below $2 a gallon!!!