prayer needed

Annah and Viktoriya

We are in need of prayer. A big decision type of prayer. I want the Lord's choice to be made not mine. This will bring great change within our family which could be wonderful or it could undermine some wonderful changes we've seen in Annah over the last 4 months. Sigh....please pray that Chad and I would know when to listen to Annah (and we DO consider her very important in the decision) and when to listen to each others' conclusions. And above all over the next 3 days, that Chad and I would really seek Him, on our knees.

Another prayer request... tonight my heart officially broke. There were pieces dangling, threatening to fall, but I held out hope it would heal. Not so. I had been told I shouldn't call but that Teighly WILL NOT be kept from calling us if she initiates the request. Well after that last call where Teighly cried her heart out to me saying she was unhappy and she needed to come home NOW, I was worried she may not call again. I did such a good job trying to steer the conversation to something cheerful, and I did, I kept her from continuing to cry. I told her that she had to give her grandma a chance and that she truly loved her. She told me "NO. YOU ARE my MAMA and I need to come HOME to you and my brothers!!!"

It was so hard. I wanted to cry with her and say "YES you are not in the BEST home! I want you to come home too. I LOVE you Teighly Bella!!!" or at the very least I wanted to say "I really want you here too, I too believe you belong here but we need to do the right thing and try to be happy at your Grandparent's house." So I have guilt that she might have taken my response as not really caring because I didn't cry but kept it upbeat trying to diffuse her emotions so they would continue to let her call me. Nope, it didn't work because she never called again. I pray Teighly knows I really was bawling my heart out {{inside}} and that I miss her as much as she misses me. Oh how I hope she knows that.

So since then we've sent a couple packages and not heard anything and that is not like Teighly to not want to at least call after she received a package and I always showed her family great courtesy when they sent something by having Teighly wait to open it until they were on the phone! I'm not even sure she got it. Annah made such a beautiful album for her and we don't even know if she got to see it. Please pray for my heart, because it is physically aching. It HURTS. I am willing to feel pain in the ministry; I am willing to do it again even. But I worry when I'm not positive that I did my very best for her. And I miss her! And boys does that hurt!!!

The pain was manageable knowing I could still stay in touch with her. They promised as long as it was she who initiated the contact, contact could be made. Well that terrible call where Teighly cried was exactly 1 month ago today and I bit the bullet and have called several times, maybe 2x a week for the last two weeks.

I called again tonite and the grandma finally answered. She was cold and harsh. "Teighly is doing fine. Fine in school, fine with friends, fine with HER father, fine with religious instruction. FINE." "okay, did she get our package? did she see the album? Annah was wondering how she liked it since she made it for Teighly." "Yes, she did. And she has not mentioned you guys at all since. She's not asked to call, she's not spoken of you. Your job is done and I'd just like to make the break, so I don't want you to call here again." Click. Sobbing on my side of the line this time, to a dead tone.

So that's where we're at I guess. I hope Aunt Pam will keep her promise and call when she's out on a visit with Teighly. I told her, whenever you take Teighly out shopping or to a movie, will you make it a habit to call, even for a quick sec? And she promised. Please Lord let her keep that promise....

Lord Jesus, I lift up Teighly to You. I need to know that she is okay, that she is loved and happy and most of all will still be hearing about YOU! I wish I had done a better job parenting her. I ask forgiveness for the times that I let her down and I pray that she will remember the way the good times outweighed the bad 100 fold.

Please Lord Jesus, let us have contact with Teighly, Please let Aunt Pam call me and let me talk to her. This hurts deeply Lord and I don't know how to heal without being able to hear her voice. Please Jesus, you love her more than I and You know what's best for her.

Please let your will be done in her life. She is yours and You have not abandoned her. Help Teighly to see this and to continue to seek You. Each night as she goes to sleep, bring to her mind the prayers we prayed as she was here with us that 12 months. Draw her to Yourself dear God, please keep her close to You.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.