ry and hope

a little over a year ago, my how time flies!

Aidan and Ryland's birthday party!

Random Picture Challenge

Here is my Nov 07 44th picture. The boys still reveling in the semi-newness of sisters. Join here to play along!

Wordless Wednesday

Okay so it's "very-little-words-wednesday-posted-on-Thursday"...

"My Tennyson!" "My Tennyson!" "No, mine! My Tennyson!"

True conversation between my twins last week.

When do I get some mary jane crocs, Mama?

Mama, just tell me your password! Pleeeeease?

Okay, I'll just keep guessing...

My Ryland Christian

As Ryland turned 6 on Saturday, I reminisced over the events of his pregnancy and birth. It's a neat story of how God changed this girl's heart and helped me learn to be more like Him. To desire Him more than anything or anyone.

I remember so vividly how Ethan was a rolly-polly 7 month old when I began feeling that all-too-familiar sickness. Morning and night, but I tried to believe it was a bug. I was still nursing and my cycles weren't back yet~there was NO way!

Finally I conceded it could be a possibility and took a test (remember Dacyl ? ;o) and it was positive. After crying and feeling a tad overwhelmed, I wondered how bad it could be to have 3 in diapers? It was only for a bit while Aidan was stubborn, but still lots of little ones at once! Kinda funny to think of that overwhelmed feeling now, since I currently have 2 in diapers, along with homeschooling 3 boys and parenting a teenager as well! It's neat what time teaches us (and learning to live in step with the Spirit).

Anyway, I turned my thoughts towards a daughter. After all, if God were to believe I could handle 3 children in exactly 3 years, I would have to be given a little girl, right???

After the shock and sickness wore off we were ready to welcome our third child. An ultrasound showed what I already knew, a GIRL!!! I watched her suck her thumb and I fell in love. I dreamed of her personality, her smile, her downy soft head and her smell. I dreamed of a healthy relationship between a teenage girl and her mother, one I never had. I couldn't wait to meet her. We thought of names...Noelle, Aleigha, Alexandria or Hope.

One month later, my littlest one decided to scare us and try to arrive VERY early (28 weeks) and I was put on bed rest. I had another ultrasound because I had no cycle and they were hoping to get a better idea of my due date.

While laying on the table, ecstatic to have another glimpse of my sweet daughter, I saw something suspicious. Very, very suspicious. The baby flipped and flopped and flipped again, and I knew I was not carrying a daughter. I said "I just saw a..."The tech said, "No, dear, it is not. You are having a girl." Yes, it was, but I said nothing. "No, that had to have been her umbilical cord," said the tech who had told me she was sure it was a girl four weeks earlier.

I looked over towards the wall to hide the tear that escaped down my cheek. How guilty my heart felt! It wasn't as though I had gained a healthy baby boy; for some reason I felt like I had lost that girl little girl of my dreams... The little girl with Chad's big blue eyes, and hopefully his dimples too. It was a little like I had to grieve for her, because I knew we would not have another.

Thanksgiving 2002, family of 4 and one on the way.

My pregnancies had each brought many contractions, stronger and earlier. Now with #3, I was on complete bed rest with 2 little ones and I knew this was my last. We had planned on 2 and then adopting from China, Lord willing. I knew we could still adopt but I was worried because Chad only wanted 3 children total. Eventually I would see the big picture. God's miraculous plan to bring not one, but two dimpled beauties into our family.

I would've been happy with a healthy baby boy, had I been given that answer from the beginning. But laying there on the table, alone, because Chad had the boys in the car, I waited for the tech to say what I already knew, "Oh my goodness, oh wow, yes, yes, oh my we do have a little boy here, oh look Mommy, he's waving at you!!!" I tried to chuckle and smile. Hi, little guy...

I was shocked to find I would be 5cm, with contractions day and night, at only 32 weeks. Taking a terrible but necessary drug, Terbutaline enabled me to be able keep him in the safety of my womb until about 34 weeks. Both Aidan and Ethan were 8lbs 10oz at birth and so very chubby very quickly, so I was nervous to have a tiny baby, but very excited too.

When I reached down and grabbed my chalky white, little guy, it was love at first sight. I knew in my heart God's will was better than mine. I was completely happy to have another son. My heart was content and oh so very happy. We nearly named him Logan or Landon, but I wanted a unique name for this little boy, so we chose Ryland.

34-35 weeks baked, Ry was ready!

SO happy, can you tell?!

And tired too ;o), Chad worried about Ry and had to keep him close;

Ry still talks about how he slept in Daddy's armpit a lot when he was tiny.

Ry and Auntie Charity

Ry and Grandma Sharon

Ryland Christian was 6lbs 5oz, born January 24th, 2003, He was a tiny 5lbs 14oz when we took him home from the hospital, but he never had to be out of my sight, and passed his car seat test with flying colors. I had had a natural midwife birth, a (obviously) natural home birth, and now a medicated hospital birth and each one different; each challenging, yet wonderful in their own way.

When Lena and Josh brought the boys to the hospital, Aidan said, "Wow, another brother!" He was ecstatic. He was 3 years and 2 weeks old when Ryland was born. And what a great big helper he was!!! Ethan on the other hand, at 15 months, kept me on my toes. ;o)

I love (now) to see God's plan. To think, that if I had that little girl of my dreams, I may not ever have felt the need to move to a bigger home to fit 4 kids. (Our North Bend home had 3 small bedrooms.) I might've felt content with our 3 and if we hadn't moved to a county with such an enormous need for foster parents. We may have fostered, we may have still adopted, but I love exactly how our family has turned out. And I have a feeling He's not finished yet... ;o)

Back to my Ryland Christian....

This little boy is a bright, sensitive child. He amazes me when I'm teaching him something, he'll quietly look up at me and just stare. "What Ry?" "Mom, can we move on to something harder. Something interesting?" Fine Ry, but this is first grade stuff. You're in Kindergarten. We have to make sure we cover our bases. Okay? Sheesh.

And the sweetness of his heart is the best part. He adores Hope and Halle and is always trying to care for them. He never seemed to mind that he was no longer the baby when they arrived. There was no jealousy or acting out. He went from our baby to the middle child with flying colors. His patience with the twins is beautiful. He will give Hope his favorite stuffed animal when she cries for it, then follow her around until she tires of it, scooping it up off the ground with a sigh of relief.

Oh how we love this boy! I hope this doesn't embarrass him when he reads it someday... When Daddy cuddles the boys at night in our bed, he'll often ask them what they want to be when they grow up or how many children they think they'll have, etc. One night Ryland told him how we planned on meeting his future wife...

"I'm gonna meet her at church. I'm gonna be passing out the communion and when I see her pick her piece of bread I'll know it's 'her'. When we see each other we'll know. Like you and mom knew. And I'll surprise her and ask her to marry me at a park like you asked Mom, and she'll say YES!" {cheesy grin} Maybe Chad can edit this story, as I only heard it retold. But he's thought these things through, he's always thinking on things that matter and I love that. He's gonna make us proud. He already has, but I can't wait to see what is to come...

3 or 4 months, chubby already

poor little guy!

Ry at his first home in North Bend, 11 months

Hiking in North Bend 2003

age 1, Ry loved to watch the river, and throw rocks in

age 1.5, always keeping up with the big boys

age 2, just moved into our Robinhood home, he was my hip fixture ALL day

age 3, rascally stage of over-stated independence

age 4, getting in touch with his creative side

age 5, nature boy extraordinaire

age 6 at his birthday party

(I'll post the rest of the party pics later)

We love you with all our hearts Ryland Christian. You make our family more joyful and more fun. We cannot wait to see how God is going to use you for His glory.We are SO thankful God gave you to our family! We adore you.

Our prayer for you this year...

Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. Godliness leads to love for other Christians, and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

II Peter 1:6-8

prayer needed

Annah and Viktoriya

We are in need of prayer. A big decision type of prayer. I want the Lord's choice to be made not mine. This will bring great change within our family which could be wonderful or it could undermine some wonderful changes we've seen in Annah over the last 4 months. Sigh....please pray that Chad and I would know when to listen to Annah (and we DO consider her very important in the decision) and when to listen to each others' conclusions. And above all over the next 3 days, that Chad and I would really seek Him, on our knees.

Another prayer request... tonight my heart officially broke. There were pieces dangling, threatening to fall, but I held out hope it would heal. Not so. I had been told I shouldn't call but that Teighly WILL NOT be kept from calling us if she initiates the request. Well after that last call where Teighly cried her heart out to me saying she was unhappy and she needed to come home NOW, I was worried she may not call again. I did such a good job trying to steer the conversation to something cheerful, and I did, I kept her from continuing to cry. I told her that she had to give her grandma a chance and that she truly loved her. She told me "NO. YOU ARE my MAMA and I need to come HOME to you and my brothers!!!"

It was so hard. I wanted to cry with her and say "YES you are not in the BEST home! I want you to come home too. I LOVE you Teighly Bella!!!" or at the very least I wanted to say "I really want you here too, I too believe you belong here but we need to do the right thing and try to be happy at your Grandparent's house." So I have guilt that she might have taken my response as not really caring because I didn't cry but kept it upbeat trying to diffuse her emotions so they would continue to let her call me. Nope, it didn't work because she never called again. I pray Teighly knows I really was bawling my heart out {{inside}} and that I miss her as much as she misses me. Oh how I hope she knows that.

So since then we've sent a couple packages and not heard anything and that is not like Teighly to not want to at least call after she received a package and I always showed her family great courtesy when they sent something by having Teighly wait to open it until they were on the phone! I'm not even sure she got it. Annah made such a beautiful album for her and we don't even know if she got to see it. Please pray for my heart, because it is physically aching. It HURTS. I am willing to feel pain in the ministry; I am willing to do it again even. But I worry when I'm not positive that I did my very best for her. And I miss her! And boys does that hurt!!!

The pain was manageable knowing I could still stay in touch with her. They promised as long as it was she who initiated the contact, contact could be made. Well that terrible call where Teighly cried was exactly 1 month ago today and I bit the bullet and have called several times, maybe 2x a week for the last two weeks.

I called again tonite and the grandma finally answered. She was cold and harsh. "Teighly is doing fine. Fine in school, fine with friends, fine with HER father, fine with religious instruction. FINE." "okay, did she get our package? did she see the album? Annah was wondering how she liked it since she made it for Teighly." "Yes, she did. And she has not mentioned you guys at all since. She's not asked to call, she's not spoken of you. Your job is done and I'd just like to make the break, so I don't want you to call here again." Click. Sobbing on my side of the line this time, to a dead tone.

So that's where we're at I guess. I hope Aunt Pam will keep her promise and call when she's out on a visit with Teighly. I told her, whenever you take Teighly out shopping or to a movie, will you make it a habit to call, even for a quick sec? And she promised. Please Lord let her keep that promise....

Lord Jesus, I lift up Teighly to You. I need to know that she is okay, that she is loved and happy and most of all will still be hearing about YOU! I wish I had done a better job parenting her. I ask forgiveness for the times that I let her down and I pray that she will remember the way the good times outweighed the bad 100 fold.

Please Lord Jesus, let us have contact with Teighly, Please let Aunt Pam call me and let me talk to her. This hurts deeply Lord and I don't know how to heal without being able to hear her voice. Please Jesus, you love her more than I and You know what's best for her.

Please let your will be done in her life. She is yours and You have not abandoned her. Help Teighly to see this and to continue to seek You. Each night as she goes to sleep, bring to her mind the prayers we prayed as she was here with us that 12 months. Draw her to Yourself dear God, please keep her close to You.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Wordless Wednesday

Annah's day

On Monday Annah had no school so we took the chance to go get her build-a-bear, a present from her 3 brothers for her birthday. She had never gotten one and it's something special she had always wanted. We each kissed the heart before she placed it inside, lotsa love in this little bear, named Olyvia. Here she is in her princess room with her new canopy (a Christmas present from Chad and I). She's a sweetheart, can't you tell...