Good and Angry

Good and Angry by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller has provided me with a wonderful addition of tools in my parenting belt. I don't know how many times a frustrating exchange between one of my children and I left me wanting to pull my hair out. I try with all my heart to be patient during my children's fighting, undertanding when they do what they've said they will not do {after all, I struggle with this as well!}, listening and observing before speaking, praying before I discipline. Yet far too often, I respond with anger and that is only encouraging them to do the same. Not my goal in parenting. Obviously.


So I began reading this book with hopes of some useful tools to combat this character flaw of mine. I had taken a parenting class long ago at my old church, Calvary Chapel North Bend, which was a video series these same authors taught, using their book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids. It was a possitive experience for Chad and I and we've carried many ideas out years later. The 'wise appeal' for instance is a chance for children to respectfully aks their parents to delay a task or see if there is a way to do something different. They repeat back to you your request..."I understand you would like me to _______ because _______, but I have a problem with that because I need to finish _________ . Could I please take the trash out after I finish what I'm doing?" Sometimes the answer is "no" and they need to accept that and immediately do what was asked. Other times they present a compelling case that you had not considered, and you grant their request.

In reading Good and Angry I've learned a great way to avoid arguing and the frustration of finding a task uncompleted when it was something as simple as returning a pair of shoes left out to their rightful spot. They suggest getting close first...always bring your child to you rather than yelling a request out across the home. Second...consider your timing. {Asking A or V to do their chores the second they get home would not show the importance of our relationship over the need to have chores completed}. First invest in your child, of course, then consider the timing and make your requests known in ways that show they matter to you. Third, give the request and wait for your child to report back. And if they often struggle with following through, inspect that it was done.

Another fantastic suggestion was to avoid the boxing ring. Annah and I go at it sometimes and I know that I jump into that ring. That is not what I want for our relationship. I do NOT want to fight and deaden it, I want to grow and nurture our relationship. So I've begun saying "lets talk about this after we've both calmed down and realize the true size of this dissagreement". And thanks to my sweet friend Charity...we no longer discuss emotional issues after 9pm {and aren't most things pretty emotional when you're in dissagreement after 9pm at night}?

There is so much more...this book is wonderful and highly recommended!