Learning to Trust

To my T~Bella...

Our sweet girl... for nearly 10 months we've watched you grow and blossom. For so very long you've been a part of our family, so much so that I have felt you were always here.
And I dared to think you might always be.


Writing this before you leave somehow makes me feel better; I'll have too many tears to do it later. At least I can go get a hug when I'm done writing!


You have made me laugh so many times, so hard my sides ached. I have loved teaching you to to love to learn and to love Jesus, praying to Him often, to keep a clean home, to bake and cook, to read, to ride a bike, and to swim.

I want it to be said that even though I am sad, I am not angry and I do believe that it is right for you to be going to live with your Grandma, and eventually maybe your Daddy. Though right now it may be difficult, we did chose this in taking you into our home. You are adamant that it is wrong and you belong here, but I have continued to assure you that your family has a right to you, and we will not be able to fight it. We will still be your extended family even if you do not live with us.

You began calling me Mama about half-way into your time with us, and I couldn't stop you. I have been your Mama. I have cared for you when you were sick and have loved you as much as I love the rest of our children. I have held you when you wake with a bad dream or when you've gotten hurt.

I may only have you with me for a few more weeks and while that breaks my heart, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you belong to Him and He will go with you. (Yes, even "all the way down to Nevada?") On Friday September 26th, just 2 days before your 7th birthday, the judge will decide where you should live. We are covering you in prayer and I know you will be where He wants you. You are a light and you will shine for Him in your new home. But oh how we will miss your antics, your klutziness, your energy, your intensity, your hugs and kisses, your sweet nature and your love!

Things I'll never forget about T~Bella...

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How she loved everything nature... bugs (moths and ants!!!), claiming pet worms and snails, watching and naming birds, everything about kittens, climbing trees, finding big leaves, picking flowers, collecting pine cones, finding shapes in the clouds, playing in the rain and on and on...
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How she LOVED playing games! Especially Twister!
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How much she adored caring for and nurturing her "babies". She will be a wonderful mother some day!!! And how gentle and kind and patient she was with Hope and Halle.

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Her Shirley Temple-like giggles and smiles.
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The way she could run into an end table stubbing her toe, bruising her elbow, just walking through the bedroom! The way she would trip over an air pocket, again and again and again...

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How she could charm anything off of just about anyone~except Chad! (the donuts at Safeway)

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:: How she loved to do a craft of any sort, anytime of the day! ::

:: The way she always had sticky stuff in her hair, always;Without fail. ::

:: How she begged to wear a skirt or dress every single day no matter the occasion. ::

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Jumping, running, flipping with her on the trampoline. And how she was banned from the rope swing because she couldn't swing without hurting herself.

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How she had to hug & kiss us every 10 minutes.

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The way she obeyed so quickly normally,
yet trying to get her out of a swimming pool or lake or river took forever.

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:: Her love of all things girly, twirly, pretty or pink. ::

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The way she had to play with the boys all the time, but oh the drama! They fought every 10 seconds, T~Bella feigned great offenses and tattled non-stop. (I had no idea how rarely the boys tattled until then). I have to try to remember the bad too! ;o)

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The way we would cuddle in the morning, or rock in the rocking chair and talk about all we were going to do that day. Then she would run off and pick out the twins outfits.

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:: How quickly she forgave anyone and everyone of anything. ::

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How I loved her twinkly brown eyes, and happy dimples.

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:: And lastly, how T~Bella taught me to trust God with what I cannot keep. ::